Realizing how wrong you can be...

I never wanted to be a stereotype..I fought against that so hard growing up. I wanted to be smart, wise, an old soul..kind and perfect..

turns out, trying to not be a stereotype? Turns you into one..

During and after my divorce..it took me a long while to accept, I was in fact not mature enough to have gotten married in the first place..and not experienced enough to make it work when I had. It took a long time, to be able to look in the mirror..and say that “I was wrong” “i made a mistake” “I didn’t know everything” “I’m not perfect”.

I look at myself, and only now I can realize how uptight and high strung I used to be. Hair and makeup in place, trying to look “effortless”... I thought I was so genuine and honestly I was just so scared..of everything..everyone. These days(first picture) I appreciate the art of slowing down..and am still practicing doing so..life is not a race..and I am not falling behind.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, and I’m learning to enjoy it as is. I stopped wearing makeup several months ago, because I wanted to learn to love myself without making myself into something I’m not. Now, I don’t own any makeup, because after 6 months of never putting any on, I downsized and minimized, and along with 75% of my closet, so went my makeup. I only own 1 lipstain now. that’s it.. no mascara, powders, eye shadows.. nothing.

there is something freeing..about not having to add anything to myself to feel beautiful...

I took out my piercings.. let my hair grow out..stopped wearing nail polish..and just let myself wake up in the morning..and be me with no walls up..no defenses..

A year later now, and I have to honestly say..try it. Be you..and don’t make excuses. The first time I went to work without any makeup, terrified me. First time I went to the holidays..a party, out to town.. I thought I would look terrible..but as it turns out..no one said anything..no one really noticed..and more importantly, no one cared.

It was all in my head.

So now I am choosing what I allow to permeate my conscious and unconscious mind..because I never want to live my life in a cocoon again.