It has been a month since I was laid off from my first post grad job. I looked at it as an opportunity to explore my interests. Start my blog. Make some videos, maybe plant some flowers. Maybe I could create something beautiful from all the wreckage left behind from high hopes and too much time on my hands.
I find myself, day 32, with nothing to do. I sit around the house wondering where my worth is. I have always worked. Ever since I was a little girl, first a full time model then working dead end jobs till I went to college at 17. I found all my worth in how many hours I worked. In how diligent of a worker I was. Now, I am trying to re-frame my sense of wonder. Trying to find something that excites me enough to get out of bed in the morning. It has yet to be successful. My car is still out of order from being stolen and broken. I suppose once I fix it, that's it. I will need to get my life in order. That's the problem, isn't it.
I have always had my life mapped out. Don't you feel that way sometimes? Like everything is a timeline, like there is a next step? I just haven't figured out what that is yet. It has been almost a year since I really wrote something worth noting. I need to find something in my life, worth noting.
And there it is. This feeling of defeat. This feeling of emptiness that is all consuming and I cannot see beyond the end of my short little nose.
I have a life worth noting. I do. My home is a place of fun and laughter. My husband is the kindest and most understanding man I have ever known. I am so hard on myself, and he just keeps telling me to give it time. My family is always supportive, and I am so grateful for all of that. I still need to wake up earlier then 11 am, and find something that gets me passionate. I keep looking back, instead of looking forward.
Does anyone else feel that way?
I think more then anything, I need to wake up on the left side of the bed. Try something new, and not be afraid to say this is all I have right now. Because "all" I have right now, is so much more then I had back then.
Steps to improving your life, and your self-esteem:
No. 1 STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF
I, we, have got to get it out of our heads, that we are only good as what we have to show for. In a traditional sense, work, money, items, they bring no real joy. Family, friends, passions...that is truly where we should strive to be our best selves. I truly believe if we can just step out of this mindset, everything else will follow.
No 2. PLEASE, forgive yourself
Forgive yourself of the things you thought you would be now. Regardless of who or what circumstance is at play, you are not only worth what you produce. You are an adult. Your choices now are only dependent on you. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made. The ones that keep you up at night, and cuddle with you in the morning. Those things, do you no good. To carry those burdens around with you, is entirely pointless. (sorry to be blunt, I need this too)
No. 3 Let yourself live
Let yourself smell the flowers, visit a new coffee shop. Buy that dress you dreamed of, or just take that walk you keep thinking of. Go to a museum to remember where you came from, see a movie to see what others have dreamed of. Paint a picture with whatever format you choose. This life is yours. Let yourself live it. It is NOT a failure, to sit back for a moment. Running around in these circles will drive you no where. You will inevitably dig yourself into another rut, just like the one you are in now. Read a new book. Read an old book. Just do not, stay in bed, and say that this is it. There is more. You are choosing not to live it.
Well, that is all the advice I can muster up right now. I need to hear, read, and reread these more now then ever. Just, do not give up on yourself just yet.
The best, after all, is yet to come.
Visit my YouTube page to see my motivational talks video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ6Ukg-uf14
Photos provided by Rhiannon Mitchell, with the help of Dan Verssen for camera support. Locations are in California and Texas.
Thank you Dan! I really appreciate that!
Great advice! I think so many people get down on themselves during the bad times that they forget how great they can be. Very inspiring post!